Wednesday, March 31, 2010

A shirt for a picnic?

"What am I wearing? No. Really. What in the HELL and I wearing? I'll tell you what I'm wearing. A tablecloth. That's what I'm wearing. Know how I know? Because my mother made me this shirt. And she made a tablecloth OUT OF THE SAME MATERIAL. I &%$^ you not. Look at my dad. He's all 'Yeah, I have NO idea who the redheaded ruffian is. Where's my beer?" (via)

Photo too small and
clearly meant for a wallet
in Dad's back pocket

Red head and beer gut
Horizontal stripes-oh my!
Blue Blocker glasses.

Clinging to Daddy
saying save me from sewing
Mom has a hobby

Tablecloth clothing
A mistake in the making
Resourceful at best

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Changes coming soon...

Okay folks, coming soon to myparentsmademewearthis, some big changes. Or should I say-additions.
Wait for surprises, as soon as I get my technology straight.
Can you say My Parents Made Me Wear This--the spoken word edition?

There she is, Miss America

"See what my parents made me wear?" (via)

Girl in a corner,
No one puts baby there.
Dress to the floor,
And some crazy ass hair.
Pink and a palm frond,
just right for debut,
but I'm thinking Bat Mitzvah,
is what's happening to you.
In that chair do they carry you?
Above the crowd?
Singing hava nagila in voices quite loud?
Banquet hall memories from all of our pasts
The dress and that hairspray,
and a photo that lasts.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

It's Hammertime!

"I think I was about 9 here. My grandmother graced me with this horrific outfit which is actually all one piece! Ack! it's a floral jumpsuit with tapered (MC-Hammer-esque) legs and an attached vest! It's a trifecta of fugly! My neighbors are only posing next to me because they are so hypnotized by it." (via)

Can't touch this

Fresh new kicks and pants
You got it like that now you know you wanna dance
So move out of your seat
And get a grandma outfit and catch this beat...
Cold on a mission-a fashion attack
Let em know that I'm too much
With my jazz shoes that u can't touch...

U can't touch this
Look man u can't touch this
You'll probably get hyped boy
Cause you know your grandma's just not fly
Ring the bell school's back in break it down
Hammer time

Every time you see me, that outfit's just so ripe
I'm dope on the floor but these pants suck on my bike
Now why would I ever start wearing this
with others makin' outfits that just aren't s---
Neighbors incognito, embarrassed to be seen
Poor little me, I had to wear, Grandma's outfit just so mean
It's Hammer go Hammer
mc hammer white girl hammer
and the rest can go and play

Saturday, March 27, 2010

I love Ziggy

"Me thru the years (and what years they were - ugh!)
This is the main reason I have a polyester phobia even today. Now I'm a strictly 100% cotton, machine wash, tumble dry kind of guy.
(note to mothers - this is what happens when you think you're buying stylish clothes for your children.)" (via)

I think Mom did this just so we could have this AMAZING photo montage. Ziggy, through the years.

He actually reminds me of my 11th grade Social Studies teacher, also named Ziggy--I know, can you imagine that there are so many of them? One Halloween, he taught the entire class with his zipper down and the ends of his button down shirt sticking through the fly. I have to admit that we were not above calling it "Ziggy's Halloweenie".

My mom says I should say he didn't do it on purpose because I am making him sound like a freaky perv--her word choices. He was really a nice guy and after I graduated, he and I had lovely conversations about history. See? I'm not all snarky and mean!

Friday, March 26, 2010

No eye patch...the first day

"first day of school 1981.
I'm pretty sure my mom made me sleep in rollers the night before school. I didn't ahve to wear my eye patch...the first day." (via)

Palm fronds and macrame set the tone nicely here.
And in my mind, that sunset photo behind her is complete with the words to that poem about two sets of footprints on the sand, except for when God supposedly shleps the guy on his back because of his troubles. Why do I even KNOW that fine bit of writing??

Vietnam, Cabbage Patch Kid, and Bershon

"My dad made me wear this hat.
Early bershon with fake Cabbage Patch Kid. About 8 here.
I wanted a &$^#@% BOY Cabbage Patch kid (which my mom told the lady who made it) and then my mom came home with this stupid girl). I think the first thing I said was 'eh, whatever. WHERE IS MY BOY!?!" (via)

Vietnam and rice
in the field with your big hat
is all I think of

Fake Cabbage Patch Doll
Oh where is your boy?
Homemade makes it worse

Did your parents not
show their love and wait on line?
Riots at toy stores.

Bershon is perfect
to describe your discontent
Did it just get worse?

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Faux denim because, you know, the real stuff is so hard to come by

My mom made this jumper. We had matching outfits." (via)

Mama was a seamstress
At least she thought it so.
Why she used faux denim?
We can never know.

A pattern meant for jumpsuits
or matching set of pants and coat.
Perfect with your cowboy boots,
Your outfit gets my vote.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Clown Car Campout

"My sister and I tenting of sorts in the backyard. I did sleep in this thing growing up and remember the bath of anti-itch creme from the onslaught of mosquito bites when I slept...I have nothing to say for the polka dot overalls.
my parents apparently thought polka dots were uber hip. I think even my sister is laughing. oh well. it captures an amazing moment in time." (via)

How many polka-dotted children can fit in a backyard lean-to? As many as in a clown car?

If only he and his sister had a Shriner's Car to go with his outfit.

And a fez would be fetching. But then, a fez looks good with anything.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

All the Ladies, Independent

"My sisters and I on a spring day. I have been told by more than one person that this best represents my relationship to my family. I am the dark haired one. I am sure I threw a fit because I didn't want to be dressed like my sisters. I hated when we were dressed alike. I gotta be me!
tenuous link-hat." (via)

How bad-ass is she? With her hand-knit Rastafarian hat, and Weather Tamer windbreaker, taking center stage in the sea of Crocheted patriotism that is her sisters' red, white and blue ponchos.
Don't make this sister try to blend in--she'll come out swingin' with that big broom behind her. More power to you, my friend.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Anything worn at this age is always something your parents made you

"My first photo shoot ever." (via)

The reason I am posting this is because when I first saw it, I would have sworn to God that the kid was wearing a terry cloth Playboy Bunny playsuit.

Should she be mad at her Mama for this one?

"Let my clothes do the talking. I don't know whether I should be mad at my mom for this outfit." (via)

All signs point to yes.
Embroidery Affection
means Mom sucking up.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Can I get a macrame plant holder to go with that?

"I think that this photo dates from 1971. Notice that my sister and I are sporting the Jane Fonda hairstyle from the movie 'Klute.' The vests we are wearing were handmade by our neighbors who were 3 sisters who were all old maids and sharing a house...think golden girls. Their names were Lily, Ruth, and Loretta. During the summer, while we were all outside playing, Lily would call us over and do some quick measurements. At Christmas we would receive a handmade gift from them." (via)

The story is so sweet, I am having a hard time being snarky, darn it.
Spinster sisters, crocheting away. I see rocking chairs and cats.

I consider this a my-parents moment because if the spinster lady makes it, you kinda gotta wear it! (I am fond of the constrasting colors of these vests so as not to match too precisely. Nice.)

That brother is a lucky boy--simple red sweater vest. Phew. No wonder he's grinning instead of grimacing! (But why is Santa gripping his arms so tightly?)

Friday, March 19, 2010

I can't believe my husband just admitted he has a headgear fetish

"1978. Was the headgear not enough? Let's add glasses to the repertoire. Farrah Fawcett-style. Tinted, partially, a gray and blue. My initials are in gold foil on the corner of one of the lenses." (via)

My husband says she looks like a wrestler. I hope she was tough because, well, DAMN. No child would ever do this of her own accord.

Okay, my husband also just made a SHOCKING admission. When he was in 3rd grade, he had "a long distance crush on a high school girl who wore headgear. My school was K-12. I remember in the hallway watching her pass. I thought she was hot--as much as a 3rd grader understands what hot is. Clearly not too well because she was wearing headgear. Either I was into the Hardware, or I was into her. I don't know which is which, or which is worse. I was always one for the freaks."

Um, thanks honey?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

I'm Seeing RED!

"The twins? Our mother delighted in dressing us alike, even thought we are 18 months apart." (via)

Mom apparently also delighted in Candy Stripers and Clown collars.

Where can I get a cardboard mantel?

"Twins Part 2. No wonder I hate wearing red." (via)

"There is that damn red again...and my sister laughing at me." (via)

Here's a Poem I found, by a young writer, which I think speaks volumes about the color red. It's called "Red."

Red is a symbol of love with the heart
Like a married couple, until death do us part

Strawberries and cherries are red
Eat them with whipped cream when you're sick in bed

Red beans and rice at Popeye's
Oh chicken with red meat inside

Black and red; colors of the devil
Oh believe me I'll never be on that level

Strawberry juice is good to me
Well I guess red is the color for me"

By Cherry Roy
(and I am not lying about the child's name--I swear!)

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


"Hilarious. yeah, that's me-damnit my parents dressed me funny..." (via)

Feeling haikuish again tonight:

You-Urban cowboy.
Fringe adorns your vest so cool.
Stripey pants? Oh why?

Your glasses and grin
Smile wide despite the shame
collared shirt with vest.

Hippie garb made plain
by buttons up to the neck
what did parents think?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Fancy Schmancy

"I was so pissed at my mom for making me get this short haircut." (via)

Oh little girl, now don't you fret.
There's better times ahead for you yet.

Without a sweater vest to hate,
nor short shag haircut to frustrate.

The boyish cut--did you have lice?
Or was your mother just not nice?

Ruffled collar and great big glasses,
Designed to entertain the masses

My Grandma had a pair just like them,
but Grandma's had a glittery gem,
on each earpiece--oh so fancy.
Don't you wish yours had been schmancy?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Thank you Mom and Dad

"Oh sure, laugh it up!
Here I am, five years old at my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary with my sister having a little fun at my expense.
Some of my friends marvel how I can be so casual about getting all dressed up in my outlandish Halloween costumes and going out in public. All I can say is that it looks like my parents may have gotten me an early jump on getting over that little hurdle.
My GOD. Just LOOK at that suit. I mean, the 70s were hard on everyone, but if I saw that one a five year old I'd be calling in child services." (via)

Dear Mom and Dad,
Now that I'm a big boy, I can thank you for the humiliation of my younger years. Who knew that the suit I wore at Nonni and Poppi's anniversary party would lead to a life as an entertainer?

There's always Halloween, of course, and my Christmas Santa Work at that Mall in Indianapolis. But let's not overlook that gig where I had to dress up as a Hot Dog outside that new shop on Burbank and shake my bun. And who could forget my Liberace look-a-like phase?

It all goes back to you two. Big sis, with her big deal career as a Neuroscientist? Ha! What about Friday night improv at that club in the Strip Mall down by the freeway?

My fans and I, all these years later, just thank you for the plaid. You made me what I am today.
Love and Kisses,
Your baby boy.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Mama Matched Me-but she got the "sexy" version

"1976? I think I was 3 or 4 in this picture. Taken at my Grandma's house, I'm pretty sure my mum made my outfit, as per usual...
I think this was a Christmas dress. The scary part? Mum had one to match (only a little sexier for the adult version." (via)

What could the "sexier version" possibly be for this Stepford Wives/Big Love style dress? Perhaps a slit cut up to there? A shorter black ribbon in front?

I am particularly fond of the ornately carved dining room set, the crystal candelabra and glass candy dishes decorating the bar cart, the caramel brown carpeting, and the china hutch peeking from the next room. Ahhh-when faux Bavarian-castle-royalty-style meets the suburbs it always says classy to me.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

He's got Daddy issues

Mothers tend to get a bad rap here at myparentsmademewearthis. But not today. Today, it's all about Daddy issues.

"I hate this sweater. My dad bought it for me, and made me wear it with these really ugggly forest green pants. It was a hideous outfit.
When he gets old, I'm gonna make HIM wear an ugly green & mustard coloured sweater with matching pants. Bam!" (via)

Payback's a bitch, old man.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Dang-That woman can SEW

"Disco fever 1979! I was about 4 at the time...How do I know I was loved? Well...Mom made that suit. She's got some sewing ninjitsu." (via)

Sewing inspires
haiku to fabulousness
fashionista mom

Mama wields scissors
Makes suit of finest fabric
Polyester best

Turtleneck is nice
because it means there is no
need to make a tie.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I never knew they were called Mudflaps

"Mudflaps over the ears."
A picture of my from back in the day...I was, obviously, born in the mid-1970's. Dig that outfit. What were my parents thinking?" (via)

Mudflaps? MUDFLAPS?
It just makes me want to start singin' CONVOY.

And of course, I am loving the crepe-soled shoes, light brown with dark brown laces. At least they match the buttons on his stylie suit.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Are you cruisin'?

"Circa 1987. My grandma made these outfits for my brother and I. He refused to wear this (can you blame him) so ***** and I had matching outfits." (via)

I picture these being made for a cruise, the entire family vacationing together, sullen brother in the room, listening to a metal hair band on his Sony Sports walkman. (The cool yellow one that looked so high tech.)

My other fantasy is The Circle Line, traveling New York harbor with Lady Liberty, guarding the wretched masses seeking freedom from handmade clothes, wherever they may haunt us.

Congratulations for standing strong, brother dear. No blousy shorts set for you!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Is that Albert Brooks?

No wonder he made that film Mother.

"This is--believe it or not--my fifth-grade photo. Notice the Bicentennial flag in the background. My school was so patriotic! My mother forced the home perm on me. I didn't choose it. This is what my family refers to as my Albert Brooks period." (via)

In which I pose a query--possibly of a philosophical nature:
Is it fair for a parent to force something upon their child, only to laugh at it later? I think not. It is, however, perfectly fine for the rest of us to laugh.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Identical Cousins, Don't you know, in Midwest Lederhosen

"A shot from the late seventies...Grandma made us cousins matching outfits. I'm the one in the middle...and the discourse on my blog after I posted this one there (as well as a clarifying conversation with my mom) seems to indicate that I was biter in my younger years." (via)

They're cousins--Identical Cousins and you'll find.
They laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike
You can lose your mind,
When cousins are FOUR of a kind.

For those who don't know, those sporty plaid pants would certainly be known as SLACKS-one of my favorite words to say out loud.

I call these Midwestern Lederhosen. Plaid, Pinafores, cowboy shirt, and just right for marching in an Old Home Days parade.

Happy Monday!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

The Back Hallway-The Jon Benet Edition

"This is our back hallway, filled with our baby pictures. My parents dressed us in the most horrid outfits." (via)

Pageant Girls, the Hallway Edition.
Lace, Frills, Layer upon layer.
Jon Benet outfits without the make-up but with the curlers in the hair.
Childhood photos-year after Year--Sears, or JC Penney? Which photographer is more skilled?
Either way, what's not to love?

Friday, March 5, 2010

Ode to a Brooklyn Hipster

"I want to say that it was the 70s and this was the best my parents could do...but honestly, I think they would have dressed me like this even if it was 2008." (via)

And they would have been awesome! Let's pretend, for a moment, that you are a young hipster, dressed in plaid in 008.

Oh Brooklyn Boy, Your plaid's so smart
It's like you dress to win my heart.

Your shaggy hair,
Your fashion flair. (No-not Fred Flare!)

Your trim white pants and big lapel,
A Pabst Blue Ribbon, or Muscatel.

Your Fort Greene Pad,
Perhaps Bed Stuy,
I think I want you to be my guy.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Let's Get Physical

"Fashion Forward, 1984.
I confess: this is me. I was 10 years old, and I did not CHOOSE this sweatsuit. Yes, the whole thing is a sweatsuit, meant to look like shorts over sweatpants...WHY GOD?" (via)

Poor baby--here's what God was thinking, circa 1982.

Let's take another look, shall we?

As much as the shorts/sweats combo--unlike anything I've seen before--I like the tightly elasticized waist on the top. Guaranteed to ride up on her as soon as she tries any actual physical activity--say a gymnastics routine staged with friends and forced upon family members who watch over and over again as young ones tumble in the backyard.

Maybe even more important-is that a Chevette she's leaning on? Hope she doesn't ding it with her brawn.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

You're a Wonder, Wonder Woman

Sometimes, we've got to give our parents a little love for the things they did right. I covet this outfit.

"This is me. My parents dressed me awesome." (via)

Yup. That is Wonder Woman on her leg. How kick ass is that?

The closest I ever got to Wonder Woman was when my younger cousin and I bought face paint crayons, and she used her entire red one to color her leg like Wonder Woman's boots. She almost finished one leg before the crayon ran out.

After that, we just ran around with rope pretending it was a golden lasso. I don't remember if it was the same day she stepped on a wasp's nest while following me and got full-body stings. I do remember that it's always better to be the leader.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

ABC, It's Easy as 123

Could the Jackson 5 have used this outfit in concert?

"That look on my face is telling...I'm probably giving one of my parents the hairy eyeball because they dressed me in that outfit. Are those tiny bellbottoms?!" (via)

You miss the point, poorly dressed child.
The bell bottoms are rather mild.

'Tis not the legs that do disturb,
but puffy sleeves that me perturb.

Shoes maroon and burgundy,
wing tips and suede for all to see.

Practical for outdoor play,
(unless the sleeves get in your way.)

You will not learn your alphabet,
but may well throw a great big fit.

At photographer unseen,
you scream it loud-

Monday, March 1, 2010

Technicolor Dream Outfits or "My mum rite took the piss"

I have been saving this for something special, and today felt right.
Just an ordinary Monday, about to be made extraordinary--and completely beyond my poetry skills. What follows is so amazing, it has completely taken away my funny.

"My mum rite took the piss when she dressed me when I was little" (via)

Okay, this outfit is admittedly awful, but just wait. It gets soooooo much better.

Is it a tunic? A dress with leggings? A stiff circus tent? Madison says "It looks like a clown threw up on that." Agreed, my friend.

With an outfit like this, you don't want to go subtle with the shoes either. (Mom's black flats with buckles are just so out of touch with the rest. So Marks & Spencer when compared with the fashionganza that is her top and pants.)Her youngin' has the right idea--Purple and Blue just set off the ROY G. BIV so nicely.

And today, we are not even talking about the hair. Enjoy your Monday.