Pastel Prostitutes

"This is why i blame my mother for all my problems.

Easter Sunday, 1973.

I still have arguments with her over the way she dressed us. seriously, look at these skirts. what the hell was she thinking?

To this day all i have to say to her, when discussing why I had no friends when I was younger is: YOU MADE ME WEAR A DRESS WITH A CLOCK ON IT!

Now I have to go find a picture of that dress. But for now, gaze on the ridiculousness of these easter outfits. Was she training us to be a weird posse of pastel hookers?" (via)

Pastel Hookers? All I can think of is my girl Donna.

Toot toot, ahhhh, beep beep. (insert whistle here.)

Toot toot, ahhhh, beep beep. (insert whistle again.)

Bad girls. Talking 'bout the sad girls, yeah.

See them out on Easter day,

Sportin' all kinds of fashion,

that they mama made.

You ask yourself-

Who they are??

Like anybody else, they wanna be a star.

And they never will be in these damn ugly outfits their Mom made for them because they are so hideous and awful and way too short and they make their legs look even skinnier and how is that possible? (Okay, off song there. Sorry.)

I desperately want to sing now, just to horrify you, but my husband doesn't think I should be singing Donna Summer. Hmmm.

I must also confess that my friends and I, despite being only 8 when this song came out, had whole dance routines made up to accompany it. And those said routines included our own rendition of a prostitution stance. Shaking our hips against a lamp post-scary.

None, however, equaled this rendition with Donna--and Twiggy! I know--Twiggy? You will soon see, however, the absolute power of the rockin' spandex jumpsuit.

Scarface

Today's post is in honor of my son and the way his face looked yesterday before the dentist took care of, um, DRAINAGE. Ahhh, swelling...

"my sister's pigtails kill me, as does her awesome brown dress that I'm pretty sure my mom made for her. My face was all banged up from a crazy ride on a swingset and a subsequent trip to the emergency room complete with stitches." (via)

Does this technically qualify as a My Parents Made Me Moment? I'm not sure, but one thing I am sure of: Only a parent immortalizes their child at a time like this. (Remember those broken nose polaroids from 6th grade Mom?)

I like the ball point pen 1977 in the corner, and the painted brown brick fireplace which matches the homemade dress so nicely.

To me, everything about this photo say something askew. Messy hair, Scarface, Green carpeting, Brown recliner. My only regret--not being able to read the book titles on the shelf...

Dear Diary-I hate Mom's hair salon!

"2nd grade.

My mom made me this dress, and gave me this perm." (via)

"3rd grade.

I was so pissed at my mom for making me get this short haircut." (via)

Click to Listen

Dear Diary,

OMG-I HATE HER! I can't believe Mom made me get my hair cut so short. I had my school picture outfit all planned. That cute pink vest that Stephanie has too, and those jeans with zippers at the ankles that kind of look like they're Guess jeans, if you don't look at the back pocket too much. I was going to wear the barrettes I made with the braided ribbon that hangs down and has beads at the end.

And Mom RUINED it, like she ruins everything, because she made me get my hair cut like a boy. Also, she specially told Mrs. Ricca that I had to wear my glasses for my school picture. She wouldn't let me get those glasses tinted, even though I told her that Janine Trufilio has hers tinted. AND she wouldn't let me get Ray Ban sunglasses which I totally needed.

Last year for school pictures, she made me wear that ugly dress she sewed, and when I was on the swings at recess, Jeremy Caruthers said he could see my underwear because the stupid fabric was so thin. (At least they were my good underwear that say the days of the week on the back.) The only thing I liked about that dress were the little butterfly buttons. And she gave me that stupid perm. It's like she wants me to be ugly!

Tomorrow, I am wearing whatever I want--and I am so taking my glasses off for recess. Ok, Gotta Go! Have to call Stef and of course, SHE won't let me have a phone in my room!

Luv ya!

Me

Little Miss Hee Haw

If only it were Earth Day, this photo is so green, it would just be perfect.

"Hideous Green Outfits, September 1976.

I can't believe mom made us wear these...what on earth was she thinking???" (via)

I like that the detail goes down to the matching hairstyles. And of course, one of my faves--the sandals with socks. No one wants chilly toes!

One question--what were they wearing under the jackets and did that match too?

This woman calls her photo "Little Miss Hee Haw," and I think she is funnier about it than I could ever be.

"Even Mary Ingalls thinks I look like a hillbilly, and that chick's freaking blind.

My mom sewed this whole outfit (including the bonnet) for Rodeo Day. What? Your town didn't have a holiday where all the schools let out so the students could get their poultry gussied up for the livestock show?

It wasn't until I was in my 20's when I realized that Rodeo Day was in fact not a national holiday. Actually, I suspect my school just switched out Martin Luther King Jr. Day with Rodeo Day. Because who needs to celebrate the life of a civil rights hero who fought for equality when you could be q-tipping your bunny rabbits ears for judging? Those bunnies aren't going to groom themselves, people. Geez." (via)

Thank goodness the kids are so cute!

These cutie brothers bore the unfortunate cross of a mother who loved the matchy matchy.

"1984 or 4 I'd guess...Mum always made us wear matching clobber on school photo day - nice!" (via)

Okay, I did have to look up what clobber means and apparently, in England, it does mean clothing. Of course, it could also mean what happened to these boys for wearing matching outfits to school.

I love how huge the chest icon is on that sweater. Much cooler than the Le Tigre I sported in my passport photo at around the same time--pale blue with a striped ribbon in my hair, and white jazz shoes with baby blue laces to match my shirt.

This girl is so rockin' her tortoise shell glasses, who cares about her ugly handmade dress?

"Hello 1973! My mom made me this dress." (via)

I don't quite understand what haircut was happening here, and that fabric looks stiff and completely uncomfortable. That being said, I wish I'd worn my glasses with that kind of confidence. In my mind, she's the girl who might have had some tough times in school, never one of the upper echelon of the middle and high school social scene. But when this girl got to college, watch the hell out!

Another girl with glasses was saddled with the Laura Ingalls Wilder look as well.

"My dress looks like it belongs in the 1870s, not the 1970s." (via)

While she is lamenting her own Big Love-style dress, I am in awe of her sister's outfit. (At least, I'm assuming it is her sister.) I always like something with a built-in, short-sleeved bolero jacket--in MUSTARD.

What is that on my head?

From time to time, it's important to remember that not all fashion montrosities are from times past. Alas, we make the same mistakes as our parents.

This mother admits what she is doing to her own children, all for sake of her own grandmother.

"Okay, so about the matching outfits...NOT my idea...my grandma bought them and my aunt brought them back from Hawaii...Figured I should take a picture of them in the outfits and send it to my grandma. Aren't I a good granddaughter? Of course I am." (via)

Here is my question: When do we say "stop the insanity?" Enough's enough! We must end the generational passing on of such atrocities! Of course, the little girl in this photo has her own thing goin' here with the slightly worn off tattoos my own son still loves. Gummy residue always looks good in formal photos.

The next photo looks like fun was had by all at this wedding!

"My Mum (in black)

My dad (the only man)

Me...The little girl with the ugly outfit and the breeds.

the bride...I don't remember her." (via)

I sincerely, almost desperately, hope that she meant braids.

I, too, wore culottes in my younger days. What I like here, is that the culottes have been matched with a variation on tube socks. And as we've seen many times, white socks and black shoes! Classy.

Mum looks pleased to be there, doesn't she? As if she is sucking on something sour, or trying not to comment on the fact that her husband's ex-girlfriend was a guest at the wedding and didn't he know she would be there so why did he drag her to this backyard in god knows where to spent their Saturday posing by someone's front door, damnit.

And the blushing bride seems pushed awkwardly into that bit of shrubbery. Happy though, don't you think?

I heartily agree with the poor girl in this next outfit.

"I'm speechless about this outfit. I've always cringed when I've looked at the photos from this party." (via)

I think it deserves a second look, in context.

Nope, still just as awful, even next to that ridiculous dress the obvious "birthday girl" is wearing.

Perhaps more appalling than the outfit is the fact that this birthday party was CLEARLY HELD AT BURGER KING! Remember those parties people? Yup, I went to one for my childhood friend Paul--secretly excited because I wasn't allowed to have that kind of food at my house.

The problem was--what the heck do you DO at Burger King for the length of a children's party? There was no play structure, no organized activities, no funny characters to entertain. Instead, we ran crazily around the place, making lunch miserable for other diners simply seeking a bit of peace for the midday luncheon.

I liked the fries and whatever bizarro sundae in a cup they served us. Other than that, I remember being bored. But I did love wearing a crown.

The next young lady did not feel similarly about the lovely item she wore on her head.

"My mom made this outfit and then made me pose in the ugly thing. What the hell is that on my head???" (via)

If she would merely look a few posts back, she would see that this was the ever-popular bonnet, beloved by makers of pajamas and by women who made their children's clothes. (I am digging her sandals, although her feet are virtually disappearing in the sea of green shag--always a nice touch with panelling in the rec room.)