My Parents Made Me Wear This

They hated these outfits, but I adore them!

2010-09-13T22:08:00.004-04:00

"Me & T*^%#*: hating these dresses..." (via)

Okay, it's been a while since I've posted. Too many blogs, too little time...
But, while I know the dresses above are somewhat mediocre in the annals of My Parents Made Me Wear This history-the outfits below are just too fantastic.

"more goofy outfits." (via)

Goofy? What the heck is she talking about? French, sailory stripes-with bow ties? There are times here when I just have to disagree with the wearer-now is one of them. Sometimes, ungrateful damn kids just don't know how good they have it!!!!

Okay people-I am Back. Prepare for more greatness.

Quack if you love Santa

2010-08-22T20:43:00.003-04:00

"The caption should be "Hm, what flavor did you say this was again?" That, and "I can't believe mom made me wear this. Again." (via)

Mama Duck said Quack!
Wear that Santa outfit kid.
Duck for Christmas? Yum.

Dressed up all Dressy, in a Dress

2010-08-13T21:45:00.005-04:00

"4th grade school picture. Hmmm. Nice Hair. Nice dress. Mother, what were you thinking?" (via)

Straight hair sure can be a curse.
parts don't lie flat and can look worse,
when paired with polyester dress,
Oh My Goodness-what a mess.

I wore a dress like this one day,
For a Bar Mitzvah,
Oh, Oy Vey!

Ruffled neck, clown suit I think,
and in a lovely shade of pink.
Satin ribbon at the edge,
The shoes? I wish they had a wedge.

Arms crossed in front,
Such a good girl,
and in the 80s-I bet a curl.

Perms back then were all the rage,
if you and I are the same age.
My friends all made that mistake too,
but none for me-except a tattoo.

That was later,
enough said,
But there were better times ahead.

Happy Birthday USA, circa 1976

2010-08-12T20:56:00.002-04:00

"The year was 1976. Our nation's bicentennial. The parents at Center School in Mattapoisett Massachusetts thought it'd be neat to dress their children up as if it were 1776. That's me, front left, in blue. My mum made that dress for me; it was a little too long and I remember tripping over the hem and falling off the bus at our field trip to the little antique schoolhouse, where we spent the day in cramped little wooden desks, writing on slates." (via)

Our fans are the greatest,
It's really quite clearly,
and this photo I really,
love oh so dearly.

Bicentennial fun,
at least for the teachers,
dressing kids up as colonial creatures.

I also went Bicentennial too
(showing my age,No-I'm not scared to do.)
My school photos, however, were not as much fun,
I only wish they'd been this overdone.

With schooling to match-
chalk boards and a schoolhouse,
All of you dressed up,
as cute as a mouse.

Thank you for sharing, our fun little friend.
For post of the year, you will surely contend.

Bonnet, bonnet-who's wearing the bonnet?

2010-08-09T21:59:00.004-04:00

"My mother took her Holly Hobbie obsession just a wee bit too far. That or she thought I should have been living out on the prairie with Laura Ingalls. Either way the hat is toooo much. Bonnet, definitely a bonnet. And what makes this ensemble especially fabulous is that I think my grandmother made it. *sigh*" (via)

Why couldn't this woman's mother have been my mother? The friggin' ingrate. I would have killed for that bonnet, but, ahem, without the duck.

Let me just explain my bonnet obsession:
It all goes back to Star Trek. Yeah, you know the movie. The one where they put some creepy thing in the ears of two crew members. Was it Scotty? I can't remember. Either way, it scared the hell out of me. After seeing that movie, I hid my fear. Each night, I crept out of bed, slowly, quietly, to my dresser. Steathily, I removed the bonnet from my drawer. Why did I have a bonnet? No idea. But you know what it was good for? Ear Protection! Ear wigs, which I knew nothing about, and those creepy Star Trek things.
Bonnets--necessary for protection and security. Parents--there are certain movies your child SHOULD NOT SEE.

(Another one? Invasion of the Body Snatchers, the Donald Sutherland one. Bad idea to let your 7-year-old see that. I'm just sayin'.)

Holy Mullet!

2010-08-07T08:26:00.002-04:00

"What was my mom thinking!!!" (via)

Shaggy bits of hair
touch your collar in the back
Hockey hair is nice.

I like the stripey
sweater, gold and blue and red
matches spiky hair.

Mom wanted her boy
to look so nice for pictures,
for laughter later.

Crossing Guard in Charge!

2010-07-29T22:04:00.005-04:00

"1st day of 5th grade. I was a crossing guard! what an honor. My mom always made me wear this outfit. I really didn't like it. Notice the matching socks and bow." (via)

Yellow is good for
visibility when you
direct the traffic.

Big Boss Lady on
the road as mini-vans come
to school in morning.

Baby Blue for this Blue, Blue Baby

2010-07-27T19:57:00.002-04:00

"I hated this outfit." (via)

Is it Go Fug Yourself that immortalized the phrase "tights are not pants"?

I agree, especially when paired with some scuffed Buster Browns. And let's be clear-this pair of was clearly meant for ballet only. My ballet teacher would have been horrified.

Advice for Prospective Parents

2010-07-22T14:46:00.002-04:00

"Reasons I Hate Holidays-Easter 1980
This fashion abomination comes straight outta the dawn of the 80's. Let's do a checklist, shall we?
Brown trousers. Check.
Involuntary home perm. Check.
Too-wide clog shoes. Check.
Herb Tarlek-inspired sport jacket. Check.

To make things even more picturesque is the gigantic dirt pile in the background. Neither the front OR back yard was finished when we moved into the house, and the springtime rains turned our 'lawn' (and I used the term very, very loosely) into something that resembled the consistency of Hormel Chili for 'months' on end." (via)

If only I'd seen this before I became a parent--the things I've done to my son which combine Hormel chili, brown trousers, and a home perm certainly mean therapy to come.

It's a Family Affair or, some outfits just do the work for me

2010-07-20T08:48:00.005-04:00

"Color Coordinated!" (via)

Socks with sandals are ALWAYS a good thing.
You know what else I love? That big ass phone her little brother is holding.

"What's with the outfit?" (via)

Um, I believe she is talking about her own outfit, which is not great, but her brother is AMAZING. The vest. The fringe! FRINGE! Was this some kind of Glam-Rock outfit, designed to be worn with platform boots and full make-up? For what occasion would you wear an outfit like this?? So many questions!!

"Another stupid dress." (via)

The dress, which looks ridiculously warm and polyester for what is clearly a warm setting, is awful in and of itself--and way too long for her.

But what I really want to see? The print on brother's shirt. Baby boy? You rock.

I love the 80s

2010-07-12T22:01:00.012-04:00

"I don't like this one too much...Also I don't like the ridiculous shirt my mother made me wear." (via)

Things I remember from the 80s:

Wham.
Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
Parachute Pants.
Acid Wash.
Paint Splatter t-shirts made in my backyard.
Jams, and pretending I was interested in surfing.
Rolled Sleeves. Rolled Jeans.
Neon.
Pastel.
Guess jeans, with zippers on the ankles for girls.
My cousin asking if visiting me would "really be like that movie Escape from New York."
Benetton.
Scrunchy socks.
Reebok hightops I never had.
Ocean Pacific.
Buying my first Prince album.
D**** C**** (Yeah, you know who you are. Sigh.)

Greek Tragedy

2010-07-08T22:00:00.003-04:00

"Yes, I'm still speaking to my parents." (via)

Overalls sublime
How they are Greek, I don't know
Red shoes make the look.

Family picnic?
Curly hair and big 'ol sneer
You own that lawn chair

Planning Ahead

2010-07-05T21:10:00.007-04:00

"The most awful posed portrait ever. Sorry, Mom, Dad, but I have always hated this portrait. And yet, I'm sharing it with the world...Let me count the reasons - the baby fat, the bad hair, the pink frilly dress, the orange sport coat paired with a yellow shirt, the ugly "antiquing", and the syrupy smile. Basically, it's just not me." (via)

I love this Victorian-style photo, which I can easily picture in black and white or perhaps a daugerreotype. And I think this young one is misreading the orange sport coat. This was simply a case of parents looking out for the child's future career opportunities.

Century 21 anyone?

This lovely men's jacket, for Century 21, is full polyester, for only $59! What a bargain!

The women's jacket is even more flattering, but alas, only available to Century 21 realtors and agents!

See? These parents weren't dressing their children badly--they were looking out for their future!

My dad should have been in DEVO

2010-07-02T21:04:00.005-04:00

"Hair apparent.

It's rare to find that family portrait where everyone is sporting their worst-hair-look-ever simultaneously.

I have my hair pulled back into one of my mom's patented 'ponytails so tight it will make your ears ring,' which luckily doesn't make me look dorky at all, no sirree. My dad has some kind of weird military/plastic Devo wig hybrid going on, and Mom's hair is so damn huge that she's topppling sideways from the weight of it." (via)

And the boys in the front just look dang shell-shocked.
In the family honor, a poem:

Girl with buck-teeth and
plaid dress and devo stylins
Dad is a hipster.

Mom's hair is heavy
clearly not as cool as the
dude man she married.

Isn't it great when
the Dad is the coolest one
in the family?

Me and Mr. Chips

2010-06-29T15:05:00.003-04:00

"Me and Mr. Chips in the 1970's. I hated this outfit-my mother made me wear it!" (via)

Hide me, Mr. Chips! Let me scrunch down behind you and hide me before Mother catches me on film in this sailor suit!

Oh Mr. Chips, I'm just a poor prepubescent boy, forced to do whatever Mother wants. What if she tries to take me to the club in this outfit? I'm doomed, Mr. Chips, doomed! The fellas will never let me forget it!

Alas, Mr. Chips, can you save me?

I just wish I knew the right Led Zeppelin lyrics

2010-06-25T21:52:00.003-04:00

to go with this outfit. Are there any?

"1st grade picture. I can't stand my hair in this picture! What was my mom thinking? My grandparents brought this dress back from Germany for me. My sister got one too. Still have them. Do I look like Dodi from 'My Three Sons' or what?
This was also the year that Led Zeppelin got its start...weird!" (via)

What I like here is that her outfit is clearly an homage to a Starship Enterprise uniform. Live long and prosper, baby.

Come Take a Ride in my 'Vette, Baby

2010-06-23T20:07:00.002-04:00

"Oh-no Xmas. My brothers are 'modeling' their new Christmas presents-personalized tees from TShirts Plus! Where's mine?
I hated this dress and my new haircut." (via)

You know what her real problem is? She's the younger sister of Hot, Dazed & Confused-style older brothers. Never a good situation for a girl. I mean, I practically have retro-active crushes on these guys...

Welcome to a Welcome to the Dollhouse moment

2010-06-21T13:55:00.004-04:00

"Yeah. Ummm...does my aversion to pink now make sense to everyone?

Okay, seriously...it's not bad enough that I am the dorky kidd who won the school final in the French-Speaking contest and earned a trip to the provincial championships in lovely Edson, Alberta? Do you have to send me up on stage looking like A) a librarian chaperoning a junior prom, or B) an Easter pageant entry from hell?And what, my legs weren't white enough already? How hard did you have to look to find me a pair of nylons whiter than the natural albino tone I was already brandishing? Man, it's no wonder that my grade-six heart throb H*** K***, featured here to my left in some classy sneakers that must have made his mom proud, never batted an eyelash in my direction." (via)

Here's what I think of when I look at the photo on the right:

Dawn Weiner anyone?

Lonely Boy

2010-06-16T11:00:00.001-04:00

"I hate this outfit." (via)

The comments section of this photo says it better than I ever could--"I could never understand why jumpers never caught on for boys. Oh, right, because they make upright pissing impossible."

Just a word of fashion caution--Jumpers are good for NO ONE. For girls, anything that requires that you almost completely disrobe to take a pee is NOT a good thing.

Is it Oktoberfest already?

2010-06-15T10:03:00.003-04:00

"I HATED this outfit." (via)

Really? That's not clear in this photo. You look so happy, little one. Green velvet, red knee socks-what's not to love?

A Family Affair?

2010-06-10T20:49:00.007-04:00

These parents either:

1. Had a great sense of Humor

2. Had an ax to grind

3. Hated the very idea of children

4. Aspired to a future of family laughter, at their children's expense.

5. Used some kind of discount coupons only redeemable at a store where everything had to be purchased in multiples.

"I LOVE this set of photos...I hated the matching outfits...but I managed to fake a smile. PJ was just completely unable to deal." (via)

PJ--I feel your pain, baby boy. Were you going sailing, in nursing scrub colors?

"The coats sort of conceal this fact, but the pants are a giveaway. MORE MATCHING OUTFITS." (via)

I am not sure that a sweatsuit actually constitutes an "outfit." And again--the scrubs green. Perhaps these parents actually just aspired to careers in medicine for their kids?

"Christmas 1990. Yes, more matching outfits." (via)

The Holiday sweater--always a good finale. (Is there such a thing as a Hanukah sweater?)

Ingrates!

2010-06-07T21:12:00.001-04:00

"Wow. So yeah, one of my mother's hobbies involved putting me and P*** in matching outfits, color-coordinated with our bedroom, and taking what felt like endless photos. I look like I should be saying 'bored now!' here." (via)

I could care less about these children's matching outfits, but I want that poster so much I could just spit. Okay, and the red carpet with the funky blue wall is pretty rockin' too. This mom had it going on.

I think these children are just ungrateful. Yeah--that's it. They didn't DESERVE these outfits, or that poster which I should have, now.

Rockin' the Bill Bixbys

2010-06-02T16:09:00.004-04:00

"1973.

What were my parents thinking when they got me this outfit?" (via)

Is this seriously a question?? Did the man not look at the curtains behind him?

More importantly--this photo made me instantly think of Bill Bixby. No--not as Bruce Banner in The Incredible Hulk. I'm speaking, of course, of Bill's role in this little known gem, Goodnight Beantown. Recognize these glasses from anywhere?

That's right. Our little friend above was simply rockin' the Bill Bixbys.

Happy Graduation Day

2010-05-27T16:07:00.005-04:00

"Lower School Graduation. I swear my mom made me wear that dress. I HATE IT" (via)

On the verge of teen

Body set to grow up soon

Mom still picks your dress

You look like you are

Terrified of seventh grade

Now that Six is done

Shell Shock on your face

No room for you to smile

Teacher peeks around

Where's the flood?

2010-05-24T16:40:00.004-04:00

"R**** and J*** in matching highwater pants and pink shirts buttoned to the top. What was my mom thinking!?!?" (via)

Here's what mom was thinking--you are out in a field, there could be large piles of cow dung and should you step in one, you'd only have to change your shoes and the pants would still be clean.

The shirt? Those I have no explanation for.

Jump up for joy

2010-05-20T18:29:00.004-04:00

"The continuing saga of my embarrassing childhood.

I was trying desperately to make this outfit look cool. Sigh, I don't think anyone could." (via)

Jumpsuit unbuttoned

Is it to make it cooler?

It is still Hot Stuff.

Let's not even talk

about your orthopedic

shoes with white laces

Faux ivy growing

from your puke green shagginess

Mickey likes it all

Is that man behind

trying to do the hustle?

Pink pants are snazzy.

Ahoy there Sailor(s)

2010-05-17T22:29:00.003-04:00

"yes, my early childhood was filled with lots of matching outfits." (via)

Hey there sailor boy, and boy, and girl

Your freak flag? It does unfurl.

You ride a horse, out to sea?

The mix of themes confuses me.

Sailor hats, like a beret

Should I enter in the fray?

Sunset clouds, pink and blue

Background pales next to you

Three Musketeers you siblings are

A I admire from Afar.

What the hell is a Kipper Tie?

2010-05-14T21:50:00.006-04:00

"Yeah, yeah, kipper tie!...can't believe my mum dressed me in a shirt and tie to just PLAY!....But, look closely, (I'm 4 or 5 here, back in 1972/3) at that train tunnel...upside down!!" (via)

At myparentsmademewearthis, I am all about your education. Thus--what is a Kipper Tie?

"A Kipper Tie is a type of necktie primarily fashionable in Britain in the mid 1960s to late 1970s. The primary characteristics of the kipper tie are its extreme breadth and often garish colors and patterns." (via)

How did these ever go out of fashion??

Safari Time, in Pink

2010-05-12T21:35:00.005-04:00

"My Mum and I.

Yes, it's me in my bubblegum pink safari suit. My mum dressed me in safari suits if we went to the zoo, birdpark or anywhere with a lot of animals!!!!!

Seconds after this photo, the horse tried to eat my scarf. I was delighted of course!!!!!" (via)

I love your outfit

Bubblegum Safari Girl

Sometimes Mom is right.

My Uncle Made Me Do It

2010-05-10T21:44:00.002-04:00

"OMG! This photo is dated. You see me, my sister, and one of my uncles. I guess I'm about 4-5 years old here, with my sister being 2 years younger. You can't blame us for those matching hand-made, multi-colored outfits! It seems my uncle was getting married, judging from the bouquet in his hands. The hairdo, the throatcut collar, the bell bottoms, and the glasses (are horrible) must have been very fashionable." (via)

This Uncle, and these outfits, completely f---in' rock. As does that car--and where the heck are those license plates from?

I really wish I had an uncle who kicked this much butt.

It's all Mom's fault--and we love her for it.

2010-05-08T19:06:00.011-04:00

A quick post today--because I'm spending the weekend with my mother, of course! Get off the computer now and send your mother a card!

For now, let's think about what mother's are.

Mothers are always thinking about our future. Character development anyone?

"Me, circa 1973. Young, carefree, content to look like the lead in an After School Special. (My mom forced me to dress that way; it built character.)" (via)

Mothers look out for our personal safety, here and abroad.

"The only thing more embarrassing than the pink striped dress was the fact that my sister and I were dressed alike. We were traveling along and my mom wanted to make sure we wouldn't get lost. Not a chance dressed like that!!!" (via)

And of course, our mothers value our education.

"girl scouts? wait...no...I was never in girl scouts. Oh, that's right! It's the first day of school and my mom dressed me to match the couch. 'Preciate that Mom:) I'm just wondering at what point you decided to tie a ribbon around my neck. As if the socks weren't enough you were like "hey, I know what would make this outfit even more awesome...a bow...tied around her neck!" (via)

Mom, thanks for all you do, and to everyone, enjoy your mother's day!

Bahamanian Bell Boy

2010-05-05T19:45:00.003-04:00

"I'm not really sure why they decided to dress me up like a Bahamanian bellboy, but apparently this is my easter outfit, a great look for me." (via)

I am a fan of the concept here--instead of the belly shirt, the belly suit. Always cute with mint green and orthopedic socks.

And clearly, this family loved their suits--here's another.

"Me in Suit.

So with this outfit it is apparent that my parents thought I should be a CPA or some sort of banker. Wow that's a horrible haircut." (via)

Alex P. Keaton, with irregular bangs, and a god-awful fireplace, clearly the preferred backdrop for all special family photos. Was this one induction day for the Young Republican's Club?

Me and Mini Me

2010-05-04T22:20:00.005-04:00

"Sometimes I really wonder what my mother was thinking when she dressed my sister and me..." (via)

For what occasion would outfits such as these be worn?

I am wondering if the way to tell the younger child is the short pants-pigtails versus the "big girl" outfit--long pants and hair down. Very grown-up.

My favorite? TV trays. Nice. (Do those balance well on shag?)

Toughskin Cutie

2010-05-03T17:44:00.003-04:00

"First Day of School-September 1973. Me in that Vintage 70s' attire.

All spiffed out in hip burgundy vest, short sleeve dress shirt and cranberry red toughskins.

Christ, was what my mom thinking." (via)

Let me share something crazy with you--Sears STILL makes Toughskins!

They do not, however, make anything like the hideous crocheted vest this poor boy was saddled with. Did that belong to his older sister? It really undermines the idea that anything else he is wearing could ever be considered "Tough."

Need a Toughskin education? Check this out:

Where is Chevy Chase in this photo?

2010-04-30T21:24:00.004-04:00

"Ready for adventure.

Our blue Ford station wagon was packed, complete with the home made car top carrier, ready for our trip out west. My mom liked to dress us in matching bright clothes on trips so we wouldn't get lost." (via)

This photo is almost too sweet to be snarky about. But still...

Family sojourn

Ready for adventure, yes?

matching outfit joy!

Sturdy place to stow

Things that you will surely need

Plaid guarded on roof

I love Papa's hat

And Mom's scarf around her neck

Red plaid pants? Awesome.

On a holiday

But no Chevy Chase with you

I miss Christie B.

Yee Haw, Y'all

2010-04-28T21:37:00.004-04:00

"Cowboy up ya'll...This is around 4th or 5th grade 1980 or 1981.

The school had a western theme for photos, and everyone had to have this set, complete with the hat and thing around the neck. My mom got wind of this and behold the shirt. Unbelievable." (via)

You Ride 'Em Cowboy

Casio watch on your arm

Digital is Cool

Where were you in school?

Either South in Bush country

Or on Broadway, Star!

Rodeo clothing

I love your neckerchief, boy

Feather in your cap.

Pastel Prostitutes

2010-04-26T20:08:00.007-04:00

"This is why i blame my mother for all my problems.

Easter Sunday, 1973.

I still have arguments with her over the way she dressed us. seriously, look at these skirts. what the hell was she thinking?

To this day all i have to say to her, when discussing why I had no friends when I was younger is: YOU MADE ME WEAR A DRESS WITH A CLOCK ON IT!

Now I have to go find a picture of that dress. But for now, gaze on the ridiculousness of these easter outfits. Was she training us to be a weird posse of pastel hookers?" (via)

Pastel Hookers? All I can think of is my girl Donna.

Toot toot, ahhhh, beep beep. (insert whistle here.)

Toot toot, ahhhh, beep beep. (insert whistle again.)

Bad girls. Talking 'bout the sad girls, yeah.

See them out on Easter day,

Sportin' all kinds of fashion,

that they mama made.

You ask yourself-

Who they are??

Like anybody else, they wanna be a star.

And they never will be in these damn ugly outfits their Mom made for them because they are so hideous and awful and way too short and they make their legs look even skinnier and how is that possible? (Okay, off song there. Sorry.)

I desperately want to sing now, just to horrify you, but my husband doesn't think I should be singing Donna Summer. Hmmm.

I must also confess that my friends and I, despite being only 8 when this song came out, had whole dance routines made up to accompany it. And those said routines included our own rendition of a prostitution stance. Shaking our hips against a lamp post-scary.

None, however, equaled this rendition with Donna--and Twiggy! I know--Twiggy? You will soon see, however, the absolute power of the rockin' spandex jumpsuit.

Tacky in the 80s

2010-04-22T20:06:00.002-04:00

"Tacky in the 80s.

What was my mom thinking dressing me in pink ruffles?" (via)

Is that all she has to say about this? REALLY?? If I didn't have a cold, I would be doing a recitation or ditty FOR SURE. Instead, a bit of poetry:

Freaked out baby, lying there

Starting to become aware.

"Will I grow to be like them?"

Holy Crap-this photo is a gem.

Dad in t-shirt, Mom in shock,

never expecting such a flock.

All sitting low against the "sky"

The kids? As teenagers, they'd rather die!

Girl in ruffles, tongue is out.

A bit of chaos there's no doubt.

Missing teeth and funky clothes,

So much here I could expose.

The whitest family I've ever seen,

And now they grace my little screen.

Scarface

2010-04-21T20:01:00.005-04:00

Today's post is in honor of my son and the way his face looked yesterday before the dentist took care of, um, DRAINAGE. Ahhh, swelling...

"my sister's pigtails kill me, as does her awesome brown dress that I'm pretty sure my mom made for her. My face was all banged up from a crazy ride on a swingset and a subsequent trip to the emergency room complete with stitches." (via)

Does this technically qualify as a My Parents Made Me Moment? I'm not sure, but one thing I am sure of: Only a parent immortalizes their child at a time like this. (Remember those broken nose polaroids from 6th grade Mom?)

I like the ball point pen 1977 in the corner, and the painted brown brick fireplace which matches the homemade dress so nicely.

To me, everything about this photo say something askew. Messy hair, Scarface, Green carpeting, Brown recliner. My only regret--not being able to read the book titles on the shelf...

Then and Now

2010-04-19T20:09:00.006-04:00

"So there I am, and there i was in 1975. A styling young filipino kid with freakin blonde hair. At some point, my hair went from black to blonde! But more disturbing than being a half asian kid with blonde hair is the corduroy outfit my parents dressed me in for this portrait. I mean, really...Plaid collars, cuffs, and pants? Plaid? Really?" (via)

But oh yeah--he has more to share.

"Horrified. That is my reaction to seeing this picture again, after all these years. Horrified.

There I was in 1981, still a good lookin' kid, ...And on picture day, this is how they dressed me. Blue V-neck sweater vest and that shirt. Oh GOD that shirt!" (via)

In my sphincter, I can feel the sound of that old timey photo album paper, lifting noisily from the stick 'em pages of cherished family memories. Crinkle. Crinkle. Crinkle.

Fashion Crimes of the Past

2010-04-18T08:56:00.003-04:00

"Fashion Crimes of the Past.

If I wasn't cute as a button I might take more offense at this dress my mother made me wear for my third grade picture." (via)

Cute as a button, yes you are.

But this photo? It's bizarre.

Hearts and bowties, Fireworks?

I hope your parents weren't jerks.

Your look to me says 80s librarian,

or perhaps your parents were Bulgarian?

It's the background I find so mysterious

Did you choose it? Were you serious?

You and Mom, a clash of wills

You crave flash but Mom wants frills.

The end comes here in your school snapshot,

This round won by mom--Oh Rot!

Tres Chic

2010-04-16T14:54:00.003-04:00

At first glance, this looks like a typical family vacation photo--a woman and her son and daughter, enjoying their summer holiday. But wait...

"What was my mother thinking? The stuff I had to endure because of those pants. She used to have me wear them for school, because she thought the grey ones were boring...and she was right. They were. But as a boy, you don't really want exciting pants.

Our R------ was funny. When having a photo taken, he would say "Act natural, act natural" and then stand with his arms out like a plane." (via)

Is this a travel ad to try to get German families to visit France? Families that dressed their poor sons in pink short shorts?
Colette's note: Everything has been emasculated in this photo. The Eiffel Tower and this little boy.

We both agree, however, that Mom looks awesome.

Polygamist Couture

2010-04-15T14:37:00.007-04:00

"Apparently, Mom might have been from Utah.

I watch a lot of "Big Love" and in diggin around for a picture...I came across this old Chritsmas photo...(78 or 79 I think).

What is God's name was my mother thinking?

Little nerds on the prairie. Since when did my mother have a Laura Wilder fetish? We look cut right from the cast of Big Love. P---- looks ready to be married of to the prophet, and jesus,

K---- looks like Mork. I'm not even going to start on my short bus sense of style. And people wonder why I got beat up all the time in grade school.

This is just so wrong.

Of course, kids today dress like Britney after a cocaine bender so maybe polygamist couture isn't all that bad." (via)

I am in awe of this guy. Not just the photo but the wit to match. Well-played Mr. Polygamist Couture. Well-played.

One thing to mention. Super Person? Super person? SUPER PERSON?? Is that some kind of clothing tie-in to the Free To Be You and Me album? Because if it were, I believe my mother would have purchased such an item for me. You know, being that she was all women's lib and all that.

Let's have a listen and reflect on just---being.

Good Day Sunshine!

2010-04-13T17:16:00.000-04:00

"Pully and Me. 1976. Playing down at the corner. I'm about 7. Ok, I have to say what was my mom thinking when she bought this outfit???" (via)

Was Pully a dog

who performed in the circus?

or was that just you?

A shirt or jacket

Hard to tell what this one is.

Plaid is always best.

Gonna be a bright

bright, bright, bright, sunshiny day.

at least on your legs.

It's Howdy Doody Time

2010-04-12T18:57:00.006-04:00

"It's Howdy Doody Time!" (via)

Honey, you really shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure there is NO resemblance whatsoever. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

Oh, um, Never Mind.

At the very least, here's a song for you:

Click to Listen

Across the rainbow

2010-04-10T19:04:00.004-04:00

"The Family before summer vacation 1993.

That's one fine fanny pack...and outfit. What was my mom thinking?" (via)

I know exactly what mom was thinking.

Who doesn't love them a little Rainbow Brite?

Dear Diary-I hate Mom's hair salon!

2010-04-09T14:02:00.006-04:00

"2nd grade.

My mom made me this dress, and gave me this perm." (via)

"3rd grade.

I was so pissed at my mom for making me get this short haircut." (via)

Click to Listen

Dear Diary,

OMG-I HATE HER! I can't believe Mom made me get my hair cut so short. I had my school picture outfit all planned. That cute pink vest that Stephanie has too, and those jeans with zippers at the ankles that kind of look like they're Guess jeans, if you don't look at the back pocket too much. I was going to wear the barrettes I made with the braided ribbon that hangs down and has beads at the end.

And Mom RUINED it, like she ruins everything, because she made me get my hair cut like a boy. Also, she specially told Mrs. Ricca that I had to wear my glasses for my school picture. She wouldn't let me get those glasses tinted, even though I told her that Janine Trufilio has hers tinted. AND she wouldn't let me get Ray Ban sunglasses which I totally needed.

Last year for school pictures, she made me wear that ugly dress she sewed, and when I was on the swings at recess, Jeremy Caruthers said he could see my underwear because the stupid fabric was so thin. (At least they were my good underwear that say the days of the week on the back.) The only thing I liked about that dress were the little butterfly buttons. And she gave me that stupid perm. It's like she wants me to be ugly!

Tomorrow, I am wearing whatever I want--and I am so taking my glasses off for recess. Ok, Gotta Go! Have to call Stef and of course, SHE won't let me have a phone in my room!

Luv ya!

Austin Powers

2010-04-08T15:00:00.002-04:00

"Why did my parents dress me like m&^$*^%%* Austin Powers? Why did they hate me so?" (via)

Is that SHAG carpeting he's leaning on? Yeah, baby, Yeah.

Playin' The Blues

2010-04-06T16:11:00.006-04:00

"Gotta Love Those Pants!

Moooom!!!!

She had a weird sense of fashion to dress me up man. Embarrassing.

I was playing my harmonica." (via)

Click to Listen

More like rockin' that harmonica, Blues Man.

A little somethin' like this...

I got pockets on my pants, now.

And I think they're Acid Wash.

My hair is all slicked down

I think Mom thought she dressed me POSH.

I don't got no chest hair,

For my low-cut shirt.

But I've got snaps on my pants for you girl,

And I might just be a flirt.

Got my big 'old 18-wheeler,

On the shelf behind my head.

When I am done here playin',

I'm gonna roll on off to bed.

Gonna wake tomorrow,

And Mom's outfit I do dread.

Gramma's House Dress

2010-04-05T16:07:00.011-04:00

"Socks.

I love everything about this photo. Of course, my brother's clothing is the best part, but you've got the elusive Grampa O, Gramma in her trademark house dress, me in a coordinated Gramma-bought-this-outfit-for-me-from-Kmart ensemble, the date in the corner, the house number, the clay 'Ortons' plaque that Paul made for my grandparents at camp, the Dopey statue." (via)

Click to Listen

In your pinky K-Mart special, and your Lacy Socks

Haircut dated, shorts ill-fitting and still, this photo ROCKS.

Gramma in her House Dress, resplendent in 80s print

Brother Runner, in his shorts, surely dressed to Sprint.

If his thighs do rub together, I think it will be painful.

You'll glance over, snicker some, and give a look disdainful.

Grampa O, Elusive--at least that's what you say.

My suspicion? The 8th Dwarf, if Dopey had his way.

Perhaps faux brick does hide Snow White, behind your Gramma's dress,

In your pink, I see at least, you're a Damsel in Distress.

In Her Easter Bonnet

2010-04-02T20:33:00.004-04:00

One last goodie before a break for the Easter weekend. (Back next week to make good on promises of new and improved posts to come!)

"C____ and Barbie. Easter, 1962.

I remember this day vividly. I was 6, and I hated everything about my Easter outfit! Hated the flat, straw hat (which I hate even more now after seeing how it cast ungodly shadows all over my face!), hated the dress, which was too tight for my...little body, and hated wearing socks. I loved my Barbie, though!" (via)

Is it okay to say the shadows are "ungodly" when you're talking about an Easter outfit? Just asking.

I, too, loved my Barbies--always provided by my best gay uncle since they were not something that was going to be purchased by my 1970s parents. My favorite, which I begged him for, was the hair change Barbie--half-blonde/half-brunette. Perhaps the Barbie folks were just really progressive and making the first mainstream multi-racial doll?

I also loved self-tanning Barbie--set her on a windowsill and all she was missing was that aluminum foil reflector and some baby oil to make sure she caught some rays. Too bad a friend and I went through a stage in 7th grade when we decided to make them all punk. Tattoos in Sharpie Marker, nose rings, and monstrous things done to my collection of Donny and Marie dolls. Poor Donny... Let's just say, it wasn't pretty.

A shirt for a picnic?

2010-03-31T22:29:00.003-04:00

"What am I wearing? No. Really. What in the HELL and I wearing? I'll tell you what I'm wearing. A tablecloth. That's what I'm wearing. Know how I know? Because my mother made me this shirt. And she made a tablecloth OUT OF THE SAME MATERIAL. I &%$^ you not. Look at my dad. He's all 'Yeah, I have NO idea who the redheaded ruffian is. Where's my beer?" (via)

Photo too small and

clearly meant for a wallet

in Dad's back pocket

Red head and beer gut

Horizontal stripes-oh my!

Blue Blocker glasses.

Clinging to Daddy

saying save me from sewing

Mom has a hobby

Tablecloth clothing

A mistake in the making

Resourceful at best

Changes coming soon...

2010-03-30T22:17:00.002-04:00

Okay folks, coming soon to myparentsmademewearthis, some big changes. Or should I say-additions.

Wait for surprises, as soon as I get my technology straight.

Can you say My Parents Made Me Wear This--the spoken word edition?

There she is, Miss America

2010-03-30T21:54:00.002-04:00

"See what my parents made me wear?" (via)

Girl in a corner,

No one puts baby there.

Dress to the floor,

And some crazy ass hair.

Pink and a palm frond,

just right for debut,

but I'm thinking Bat Mitzvah,

is what's happening to you.

In that chair do they carry you?

Above the crowd?

Singing hava nagila in voices quite loud?

Banquet hall memories from all of our pasts

The dress and that hairspray,

and a photo that lasts.

It's Hammertime!

2010-03-28T17:40:00.003-04:00

"I think I was about 9 here. My grandmother graced me with this horrific outfit which is actually all one piece! Ack! it's a floral jumpsuit with tapered (MC-Hammer-esque) legs and an attached vest! It's a trifecta of fugly! My neighbors are only posing next to me because they are so hypnotized by it." (via)

Can't touch this

oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Fresh new kicks and pants

You got it like that now you know you wanna dance

So move out of your seat

And get a grandma outfit and catch this beat...

Cold on a mission-a fashion attack

Let em know that I'm too much

With my jazz shoes that u can't touch...

U can't touch this

Look man u can't touch this

You'll probably get hyped boy

Cause you know your grandma's just not fly

Ring the bell school's back in break it down

oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Stop

Hammer time

Every time you see me, that outfit's just so ripe

I'm dope on the floor but these pants suck on my bike

Now why would I ever start wearing this

with others makin' outfits that just aren't s---

Neighbors incognito, embarrassed to be seen

Poor little me, I had to wear, Grandma's outfit just so mean

It's Hammer go Hammer

mc hammer white girl hammer

and the rest can go and play

I love Ziggy

2010-03-27T18:07:00.003-04:00

"Me thru the years (and what years they were - ugh!)

This is the main reason I have a polyester phobia even today. Now I'm a strictly 100% cotton, machine wash, tumble dry kind of guy.

(note to mothers - this is what happens when you think you're buying stylish clothes for your children.)" (via)

I think Mom did this just so we could have this AMAZING photo montage. Ziggy, through the years.

He actually reminds me of my 11th grade Social Studies teacher, also named Ziggy--I know, can you imagine that there are so many of them? One Halloween, he taught the entire class with his zipper down and the ends of his button down shirt sticking through the fly. I have to admit that we were not above calling it "Ziggy's Halloweenie".

My mom says I should say he didn't do it on purpose because I am making him sound like a freaky perv--her word choices. He was really a nice guy and after I graduated, he and I had lovely conversations about history. See? I'm not all snarky and mean!

No eye patch...the first day

2010-03-26T20:45:00.003-04:00

"first day of school 1981.

I'm pretty sure my mom made me sleep in rollers the night before school. I didn't ahve to wear my eye patch...the first day." (via)

Palm fronds and macrame set the tone nicely here.

And in my mind, that sunset photo behind her is complete with the words to that poem about two sets of footprints on the sand, except for when God supposedly shleps the guy on his back because of his troubles. Why do I even KNOW that fine bit of writing??

Vietnam, Cabbage Patch Kid, and Bershon

2010-03-26T20:19:00.005-04:00

"My dad made me wear this hat.

Early bershon with fake Cabbage Patch Kid. About 8 here.

I wanted a &$^#@% BOY Cabbage Patch kid (which my mom told the lady who made it) and then my mom came home with this stupid girl). I think the first thing I said was 'eh, whatever. WHERE IS MY BOY!?!" (via)

Vietnam and rice

in the field with your big hat

is all I think of

Fake Cabbage Patch Doll

Oh where is your boy?

Homemade makes it worse

Did your parents not

show their love and wait on line?

Riots at toy stores.

Bershon is perfect

to describe your discontent

Did it just get worse?

Faux denim because, you know, the real stuff is so hard to come by

2010-03-25T22:41:00.004-04:00

"1976-Kindergarten

My mom made this jumper. We had matching outfits." (via)

Mama was a seamstress

At least she thought it so.

Why she used faux denim?

We can never know.

A pattern meant for jumpsuits

or matching set of pants and coat.

Perfect with your cowboy boots,

Your outfit gets my vote.

Clown Car Campout

2010-03-24T17:11:00.002-04:00

"My sister and I tenting of sorts in the backyard. I did sleep in this thing growing up and remember the bath of anti-itch creme from the onslaught of mosquito bites when I slept...I have nothing to say for the polka dot overalls.

my parents apparently thought polka dots were uber hip. I think even my sister is laughing. oh well. it captures an amazing moment in time." (via)

How many polka-dotted children can fit in a backyard lean-to? As many as in a clown car?

If only he and his sister had a Shriner's Car to go with his outfit.

And a fez would be fetching. But then, a fez looks good with anything.

All the Ladies, Independent

2010-03-23T16:40:00.004-04:00

"My sisters and I on a spring day. I have been told by more than one person that this best represents my relationship to my family. I am the dark haired one. I am sure I threw a fit because I didn't want to be dressed like my sisters. I hated when we were dressed alike. I gotta be me!

tenuous link-hat." (via)

How bad-ass is she? With her hand-knit Rastafarian hat, and Weather Tamer windbreaker, taking center stage in the sea of Crocheted patriotism that is her sisters' red, white and blue ponchos.

Don't make this sister try to blend in--she'll come out swingin' with that big broom behind her. More power to you, my friend.

Anything worn at this age is always something your parents made you

2010-03-22T20:29:00.002-04:00

"My first photo shoot ever." (via)

The reason I am posting this is because when I first saw it, I would have sworn to God that the kid was wearing a terry cloth Playboy Bunny playsuit.

Should she be mad at her Mama for this one?

2010-03-22T16:30:00.002-04:00

"Let my clothes do the talking. I don't know whether I should be mad at my mom for this outfit." (via)

All signs point to yes.

Embroidery Affection

means Mom sucking up.

Can I get a macrame plant holder to go with that?

2010-03-21T20:26:00.004-04:00

"I think that this photo dates from 1971. Notice that my sister and I are sporting the Jane Fonda hairstyle from the movie 'Klute.' The vests we are wearing were handmade by our neighbors who were 3 sisters who were all old maids and sharing a house...think golden girls. Their names were Lily, Ruth, and Loretta. During the summer, while we were all outside playing, Lily would call us over and do some quick measurements. At Christmas we would receive a handmade gift from them." (via)

The story is so sweet, I am having a hard time being snarky, darn it.

Spinster sisters, crocheting away. I see rocking chairs and cats.

I consider this a my-parents moment because if the spinster lady makes it, you kinda gotta wear it! (I am fond of the constrasting colors of these vests so as not to match too precisely. Nice.)

That brother is a lucky boy--simple red sweater vest. Phew. No wonder he's grinning instead of grimacing! (But why is Santa gripping his arms so tightly?)

I can't believe my husband just admitted he has a headgear fetish

2010-03-19T19:01:00.004-04:00

"1978. Was the headgear not enough? Let's add glasses to the repertoire. Farrah Fawcett-style. Tinted, partially, a gray and blue. My initials are in gold foil on the corner of one of the lenses." (via)

My husband says she looks like a wrestler. I hope she was tough because, well, DAMN. No child would ever do this of her own accord.

Okay, my husband also just made a SHOCKING admission. When he was in 3rd grade, he had "a long distance crush on a high school girl who wore headgear. My school was K-12. I remember in the hallway watching her pass. I thought she was hot--as much as a 3rd grader understands what hot is. Clearly not too well because she was wearing headgear. Either I was into the Hardware, or I was into her. I don't know which is which, or which is worse. I was always one for the freaks."

Um, thanks honey?

I'm Seeing RED!

2010-03-18T15:37:00.005-04:00

"The twins? Our mother delighted in dressing us alike, even thought we are 18 months apart." (via)

Mom apparently also delighted in Candy Stripers and Clown collars.

Where can I get a cardboard mantel?

"Twins Part 2. No wonder I hate wearing red." (via)

"There is that damn red again...and my sister laughing at me." (via)

Here's a Poem I found, by a young writer, which I think speaks volumes about the color red. It's called "Red."

Red is a symbol of love with the heart
Like a married couple, until death do us part

Strawberries and cherries are red
Eat them with whipped cream when you're sick in bed

Red beans and rice at Popeye's
Oh chicken with red meat inside

Black and red; colors of the devil
Oh believe me I'll never be on that level

Strawberry juice is good to me
Well I guess red is the color for me"

By Cherry Roy
(and I am not lying about the child's name--I swear!)

Fringe!

2010-03-17T20:46:00.003-04:00

"Hilarious. yeah, that's me-damnit my parents dressed me funny..." (via)

Feeling haikuish again tonight:

You-Urban cowboy.

Fringe adorns your vest so cool.

Stripey pants? Oh why?

Your glasses and grin

Smile wide despite the shame

collared shirt with vest.

Hippie garb made plain

by buttons up to the neck

what did parents think?

Fancy Schmancy

2010-03-16T14:37:00.003-04:00

"I was so pissed at my mom for making me get this short haircut." (via)

Oh little girl, now don't you fret.
There's better times ahead for you yet.

Without a sweater vest to hate,
nor short shag haircut to frustrate.

The boyish cut--did you have lice?
Or was your mother just not nice?

Ruffled collar and great big glasses,
Designed to entertain the masses

My Grandma had a pair just like them,
but Grandma's had a glittery gem,
on each earpiece--oh so fancy.
Don't you wish yours had been schmancy?

Thank you Mom and Dad

2010-03-15T11:58:00.002-04:00

"Oh sure, laugh it up!

Here I am, five years old at my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary with my sister having a little fun at my expense.

Some of my friends marvel how I can be so casual about getting all dressed up in my outlandish Halloween costumes and going out in public. All I can say is that it looks like my parents may have gotten me an early jump on getting over that little hurdle.

My GOD. Just LOOK at that suit. I mean, the 70s were hard on everyone, but if I saw that one a five year old I'd be calling in child services." (via)

Dear Mom and Dad,

Now that I'm a big boy, I can thank you for the humiliation of my younger years. Who knew that the suit I wore at Nonni and Poppi's anniversary party would lead to a life as an entertainer?

There's always Halloween, of course, and my Christmas Santa Work at that Mall in Indianapolis. But let's not overlook that gig where I had to dress up as a Hot Dog outside that new shop on Burbank and shake my bun. And who could forget my Liberace look-a-like phase?

It all goes back to you two. Big sis, with her big deal career as a Neuroscientist? Ha! What about Friday night improv at that club in the Strip Mall down by the freeway?

My fans and I, all these years later, just thank you for the plaid. You made me what I am today.

Love and Kisses,

Your baby boy.

Mama Matched Me-but she got the "sexy" version

2010-03-14T12:03:00.005-04:00

"1976? I think I was 3 or 4 in this picture. Taken at my Grandma's house, I'm pretty sure my mum made my outfit, as per usual...

I think this was a Christmas dress. The scary part? Mum had one to match (only a little sexier for the adult version." (via)

What could the "sexier version" possibly be for this Stepford Wives/Big Love style dress? Perhaps a slit cut up to there? A shorter black ribbon in front?

I am particularly fond of the ornately carved dining room set, the crystal candelabra and glass candy dishes decorating the bar cart, the caramel brown carpeting, and the china hutch peeking from the next room. Ahhh-when faux Bavarian-castle-royalty-style meets the suburbs it always says classy to me.

He's got Daddy issues

2010-03-13T13:22:00.005-05:00

Mothers tend to get a bad rap here at myparentsmademewearthis. But not today. Today, it's all about Daddy issues.

"I hate this sweater. My dad bought it for me, and made me wear it with these really ugggly forest green pants. It was a hideous outfit.
When he gets old, I'm gonna make HIM wear an ugly green & mustard coloured sweater with matching pants. Bam!" (via)

Payback's a bitch, old man.

Dang-That woman can SEW

2010-03-12T12:01:00.003-05:00

"Disco fever 1979! I was about 4 at the time...How do I know I was loved? Well...Mom made that suit. She's got some sewing ninjitsu." (via)

Sewing inspires
haiku to fabulousness
fashionista mom

Mama wields scissors
Makes suit of finest fabric
Polyester best

Turtleneck is nice
because it means there is no
need to make a tie.

I never knew they were called Mudflaps

2010-03-11T16:41:00.004-05:00

"Mudflaps over the ears."

A picture of my from back in the day...I was, obviously, born in the mid-1970's. Dig that outfit. What were my parents thinking?" (via)

Mudflaps? MUDFLAPS?

It just makes me want to start singin' CONVOY.

And of course, I am loving the crepe-soled shoes, light brown with dark brown laces. At least they match the buttons on his stylie suit.

Are you cruisin'?

2010-03-10T16:23:00.004-05:00

"Circa 1987. My grandma made these outfits for my brother and I. He refused to wear this (can you blame him) so ***** and I had matching outfits." (via)

I picture these being made for a cruise, the entire family vacationing together, sullen brother in the room, listening to a metal hair band on his Sony Sports walkman. (The cool yellow one that looked so high tech.)

My other fantasy is The Circle Line, traveling New York harbor with Lady Liberty, guarding the wretched masses seeking freedom from handmade clothes, wherever they may haunt us.

Congratulations for standing strong, brother dear. No blousy shorts set for you!

Is that Albert Brooks?

2010-03-09T15:46:00.004-05:00

No wonder he made that film Mother.

"This is--believe it or not--my fifth-grade photo. Notice the Bicentennial flag in the background. My school was so patriotic! My mother forced the home perm on me. I didn't choose it. This is what my family refers to as my Albert Brooks period." (via)

In which I pose a query--possibly of a philosophical nature:

Is it fair for a parent to force something upon their child, only to laugh at it later? I think not. It is, however, perfectly fine for the rest of us to laugh.

Identical Cousins, Don't you know, in Midwest Lederhosen

2010-03-08T08:32:00.003-05:00

"A shot from the late seventies...Grandma made us cousins matching outfits. I'm the one in the middle...and the discourse on my blog after I posted this one there (as well as a clarifying conversation with my mom) seems to indicate that I was biter in my younger years." (via)

They're cousins--Identical Cousins and you'll find.

They laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike

You can lose your mind,

When cousins are FOUR of a kind.

For those who don't know, those sporty plaid pants would certainly be known as SLACKS-one of my favorite words to say out loud.

I call these Midwestern Lederhosen. Plaid, Pinafores, cowboy shirt, and just right for marching in an Old Home Days parade.

Happy Monday!

The Back Hallway-The Jon Benet Edition

2010-03-06T22:33:00.005-05:00

"This is our back hallway, filled with our baby pictures. My parents dressed us in the most horrid outfits." (via)

Pageant Girls, the Hallway Edition.
Lace, Frills, Layer upon layer.
Jon Benet outfits without the make-up but with the curlers in the hair.
Childhood photos-year after Year--Sears, or JC Penney? Which photographer is more skilled?
Either way, what's not to love?

Ode to a Brooklyn Hipster

2010-03-05T20:16:00.005-05:00

"I want to say that it was the 70s and this was the best my parents could do...but honestly, I think they would have dressed me like this even if it was 2008." (via)

And they would have been awesome! Let's pretend, for a moment, that you are a young hipster, dressed in plaid in 008.

Oh Brooklyn Boy, Your plaid's so smart

It's like you dress to win my heart.

Your shaggy hair,

Your fashion flair. (No-not Fred Flare!)

Your trim white pants and big lapel,

A Pabst Blue Ribbon, or Muscatel.

Your Fort Greene Pad,

Perhaps Bed Stuy,

I think I want you to be my guy.

Let's Get Physical

2010-03-04T21:02:00.006-05:00

"Fashion Forward, 1984.

I confess: this is me. I was 10 years old, and I did not CHOOSE this sweatsuit. Yes, the whole thing is a sweatsuit, meant to look like shorts over sweatpants...WHY GOD?" (via)

Poor baby--here's what God was thinking, circa 1982.

Let's take another look, shall we?

As much as the shorts/sweats combo--unlike anything I've seen before--I like the tightly elasticized waist on the top. Guaranteed to ride up on her as soon as she tries any actual physical activity--say a gymnastics routine staged with friends and forced upon family members who watch over and over again as young ones tumble in the backyard.

Maybe even more important-is that a Chevette she's leaning on? Hope she doesn't ding it with her brawn.

You're a Wonder, Wonder Woman

2010-03-03T15:59:00.003-05:00

Sometimes, we've got to give our parents a little love for the things they did right. I covet this outfit.

"This is me. My parents dressed me awesome." (via)

Yup. That is Wonder Woman on her leg. How kick ass is that?

The closest I ever got to Wonder Woman was when my younger cousin and I bought face paint crayons, and she used her entire red one to color her leg like Wonder Woman's boots. She almost finished one leg before the crayon ran out.

After that, we just ran around with rope pretending it was a golden lasso. I don't remember if it was the same day she stepped on a wasp's nest while following me and got full-body stings. I do remember that it's always better to be the leader.

ABC, It's Easy as 123

2010-03-02T15:53:00.004-05:00

Could the Jackson 5 have used this outfit in concert?

"That look on my face is telling...I'm probably giving one of my parents the hairy eyeball because they dressed me in that outfit. Are those tiny bellbottoms?!" (via)

You miss the point, poorly dressed child.

The bell bottoms are rather mild.

'Tis not the legs that do disturb,

but puffy sleeves that me perturb.

Shoes maroon and burgundy,

wing tips and suede for all to see.

Practical for outdoor play,

(unless the sleeves get in your way.)

You will not learn your alphabet,

but may well throw a great big fit.

At photographer unseen,

you scream it loud-

"LET ME WEAR JEANS!"

Technicolor Dream Outfits or "My mum rite took the piss"

2010-03-01T13:44:00.005-05:00

I have been saving this for something special, and today felt right.
Just an ordinary Monday, about to be made extraordinary--and completely beyond my poetry skills. What follows is so amazing, it has completely taken away my funny.

"My mum rite took the piss when she dressed me when I was little" (via)

Okay, this outfit is admittedly awful, but just wait. It gets soooooo much better.

Is it a tunic? A dress with leggings? A stiff circus tent? Madison says "It looks like a clown threw up on that." Agreed, my friend.

With an outfit like this, you don't want to go subtle with the shoes either. (Mom's black flats with buckles are just so out of touch with the rest. So Marks & Spencer when compared with the fashionganza that is her top and pants.)Her youngin' has the right idea--Purple and Blue just set off the ROY G. BIV so nicely.

And today, we are not even talking about the hair. Enjoy your Monday.

None Too Pleased!

2010-02-28T16:58:00.001-05:00

"Written on the back by my mom "Not too pleased!" Well, DUH, look what you made me wear!" (via)

What is a jacket without a collar called? It's not a Nehru jacket, so what is it? Does anyone have the answer for me?

And with the turtleneck--Oh so suave. (And by that, I mean SWA--VAAY)

They're crazy and they're kooky

2010-02-27T09:34:00.003-05:00

They're positively spooky.

"Our parents had weird taste in clothes...The reason we both looked so glum was because I had just bullied my sister into swapping her socks with me as I thought the red ones were nices. I argued that our parents had given her the red ones (better ones) to her instead of to me because they liked her better, which I thought was mortally unfair." (via)

Alas, no poetry this morning. But running through my head is the Addams Family theme song because of how morose and Wednesday-like these two look. Turn those dresses black, add some pigtails, and the black stripy socks would be the ones they'd fight over.

By the way, TOTALLY agree that the red ones are better. Hope she worked that out in therapy later because clearly, her parents hated her.

I dare you to make fun of my outfit

2010-02-26T08:46:00.003-05:00

"I haven't forgiven my parents for the way they dressed me when I was ten..." (via)

Why so glum my little friend?

Did this outfit show a trend?

Of fashion choices from mom and dad,

I know, I know-They made you sad.

Stripes and plaid and stripy collar

Perhaps a look meant to mean scholar?

Stare tells us you ARE the man,

but that big big collar? Whew--hot damn!

What outfit is right for raising the Lord?

2010-02-25T10:15:00.006-05:00

This rainy day, thoughts turn to Spring
And all the joy that Easter brings.

"Used Car Sales, Electronics Pitchman, or Cattle Auctioneer?

"I suspect my parents dressed me in this hideous suit for Easter. I hope it was not career planning.

Of course my sister, who was/is not a girly girl at all, is not much better off." (via)

Brother and sister, bonded forever,

With lace and plaid, their link won't sever.

Plaid to welcome back the Lord,

I bet in church they sure were bored.

Ruffles make the day so nice,

After lent, return to Vice.

Lapel button reads the Letter M,

This photo here sure is a gem.

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay

2010-02-24T10:07:00.005-05:00

I wear plaid all night and I sleep all day. (Okay, not so much with knowing the words but sing along with me.)

"I had to wear some of my boy cousin's hand me downs." Circa 1973. (via)

When I work, I wear short sleeves,

Even when it's cold and I start to sneeze.

My boy cousin's shirt sure looks girly,

I bet when he wore it, he felt a little surly.

I look pumped up, and kind of bulky,

but despite it all, pretty happy go lucky.

I wore my plaid like a lumberjack should,

even though choppin' wood was not my livelihood.

Why was the furniture behind me all covered?

what's underneath is yet to be discovered.

Why did houses then kind of look like hotels?

With ugly carpeting, and lots of weird smells.

I hope I grew up to dress a whole lot better.

Perhaps something lovely like a glittery Christmas Sweater.

Who wears short shorts?

2010-02-23T14:10:00.005-05:00

Is this a family photo, or a childhood mug shot?

"Me, 2 y.o...I hated those clothes, they itched!" (via)

He looks stunned. Perhaps the stripes are hypnotizing him? And of course, complete with the zipper neck, knee socks, off-center plastic chair. And the shorts that look wedged up his bum.

My question is, was this a formal portrait, or was he at a photo shop, having a passport picture taken and not knowing what to make of it all?

Or, was he in the hot-seat on a child's television show? Struggling to come up with the answer for a tricky one on kids say the darndest things. The pressure to know what kind of animal says Moo! Or what it means to be married!

Oh, yes, kids are funny. Ain't they?

Evolution of a Nerd

2010-02-22T12:48:00.005-05:00

"...what the heck is up with that outfit? Really--was my mom color blind?" (via)

I think about this mother's choice
and hope dear readers will rejoice.

This chiquita is so stylin'
Her sweater vest--just so beguiling.

She sees herself a Nerd-in-Training
a phrase I find so entertaining.

Her vest will ward against the chill.
Lace collar gives me quite a thrill.

The haircut from 8 Is Enough,
Layer after layer-jagged and rough.

Perhaps her mom loved Willie Ames,
despite his rampant drug use shame.

Maybe she loved sweet Adam Rich,
As Nicholas Bradford he did bewitch

But I think mom just had bad taste
for choosing dress with collared lace,

vest in orange, burnt and itchy
sure to make a young one twitchy.

At least this Nerd will grow to know,
that I sure love her outfit so.

The dress so nice, I'll show it twice!

2010-02-21T17:27:00.002-05:00

I know you've been waiting, with eager anticipation, for me to return from a winter sojourn in Costa Rica. Wait no longer and thrill to the loveliness of lace, puffy sleeves, and a whole lotta mess.

It's always good to have a dress that seems to grow with you, especially when it's one you hate!

"My mom loved this dress. She made me wear it for all sorts of occasions, including every single Spring Sunday and holiday. I remember the sleeves were itchy, and my arms were always cold when I wore this.I think I was 3 years old in this picture." (via)

"Mom loved the dress so much that we got multiple pictures of it, as you can see. I'm probably 4 or 5 here.Check out those Strawberry Shortcake kneesocks. I loved them! They had THE Strawberry Shortcake herself printed on them, peeking out a window. I called them my "magic" socks because Shortcake's face would magically stretch out every time I pulled the socks up over my calves." (via)

It's always better when a parent soothes the ills of a horrible outfit with SOMETHING ROCKING like STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE SOCKS! So jealous. Seriously.

Not mentioned here: first photo background, brown shag carpeting, curtains, lace and bows in combination, puffy sleeves with lace, multiple pattern and material application a la Project Runway, and frilly double barrettes.
But hey people, give me a break! I just got home from vacation and I'm friggin' tired!

Paint Splatter Background? Yowza!

2010-02-11T23:14:00.005-05:00

This photo is small, but packs a punch.

"my mom made me wear this dress." (via)

I am struck by the delicate juxtaposition of the 80s modern paint splatter background (what kind of progressive freaky school did she go to?) and her formal dress-is it really a nightgown-type outfit.

Combine that with the gray carpeting she is leaning on, the lovely pose the photographer insisted on, and the hint of braces and you've got a made-me-wear-this spectacular!

I bet Bandana girl would be jealous of this set of clip-on earrings!

A NOTE: I will be leaving on holiday in about, well, about 4 hours. (Why do I always choose the early flights?) No posts for a week since I will be without e-mail, phone, fax, computer, television, DS, PS2, Computer gaming systems of any sort, Think Pad, I-Phone, or any other form of media outlet. (Can you imagine?)

I know you will all be sad without me, but chin up, I'll be back in action with some amazing items in just a week or so. In the meantime, send your own my parents made me wear this outfits to: myparentsmademewearthis @ gmail.com

And have a terrific week!

Ronald McDonald Liked it!

2010-02-11T07:02:00.001-05:00

Really, what better praise could there be for an outfit? Especially since Ronnie Mc D is such a fashion icon!

"I hated that dress, but my grandma bought it for me so mom made me wear it. Ronald McDonald liked it though. :)" (via)

I am disturbed by the strategically, and tragically, placed bow. Or, is it just that the dress is friggin' enormous on her?

Also, I always think pearls for a child's birthday party, don't you?

Oh La La!

2010-02-10T08:01:00.003-05:00

Who says the French aren't fashion-impaired?

"I remember hating the bell-bottoms my mom made me wear. This was the French version of 'Dazed and Confused!" (via)

I'm sticking with the poetry theme,

but I promise not to be too mean.

With hint of mustache--adolescence

in your loving mother's presence.

Crease in your jeans-you are so French!

That swamp behind you--what a stench!

Tucked-in t-shirts on all three,

With Minnie on your sibling's tee.

Mama looks just oh so hip,

on your summer holiday trip.

Your sandals and afro are so delightful,

I only hope to be insightful,

about your mother's message shirt

BOF with that long skirt?

Family vacations-what fun, what fun

Portraits in the summer sun

At least we have these memories

Smile now-and then say Cheese!

An Ode To Bandana Girl

2010-02-09T07:05:00.000-05:00

"me, 3rd grade. my mom made me wear this land's end dress i hated, so i sabotaged the picture with a side ponytail, red bandana and clip-on earrings. i don't remember cutting that chunk out of my bangs, though. her best friend loves this picture so much, she still has it framed in her living room."

Oh, Bandana Girl, you've won my heart

With your little bit of art.

Your fashion choice is so perplexing

I'm sure your mother found it vexing.

Bandana shawl, a fashion no-no.

(But you're right-the Land's End has to go-go.)

The clip-on-earrings--ouch, those hurt.

That side ponytail--what a flirt!

Fun with scissors on those bangs.

No telling where this photo hangs!

Coy smirk that tells us where to shove it.

I look at this photo now, and man, I love it.

Family Fashion-the teen years

2010-02-08T14:34:00.005-05:00

The family fun doesn't end just because you get older.

"Me and my sis at around 15 and 19. I was a little punk rock then. Thus the multicolored hair. Mom made me wear that get-up, and push the hair out of my eyes." (via)

I have a similarly painful hair memory from when I got my passport photo taken at 16. Let's just say bobby pins, bangs, and a retainer do not a pretty picture make.

I also think every blazer is prettier with lace embellishment, and matching doily-fronted shirt.

I wonder if "punk rock" means she was wearing some kind of ripped jeans on the bottom, and later tried to pass that blazer off with some crazy Thompson Twins t-shirt underneath. That would show her mother, right?

Okay, this does remind me of when my dad came in to my room at around 15, saw my brand-spankin' new Circle Jerks poster and laughed his butt off for about an hour. Especially after realizing I had no idea what the band name meant. But hey, I loved Repo Man!

An Outfit good enough for the Baby Jesus

2010-02-07T11:50:00.001-05:00

"Third grade school picture. I did not want to wear this outfit or hairdo, but Mom made me. She made me wear this outfit (though not the hairdo) again a year later to my first Confession." (via)

I think this girl needs to get over it--if this outfit was good enough for the Baby Jesus, it should have been good enough for her. Of course, there are many comments to be made about SINS and confession in reference to this outfit.

Side ponytail. Big Ass Bow Tie. As my husband pointed out--the formality of the skirt with an elastic waist--always good for a dress-up occasion.

I am also fond of the ponytail holder. I remember being jealous of girls who could figure out how to make these work.

And it's all the better because of her gap-toothed half smile.

Pockets are always helpful

2010-02-06T09:40:00.004-05:00

And these pants have them aplenty.

"That was 36 years ago...you should see the size of the hole in the lawn now!!! My mom made me wear those pants! OMG, no wonder we're not close anymore." (via)

I love photos that are a moment in time. Kid golfing, Dad in the background doing some lawn assessment, and that amazing vehicle that is part tricycle, part golf cart. Dad in his yard work outfit, complete with those white socks and brown shoes, not planning on being memorialized. Kid in the action shot, pants too short but okay for hanging out on a weekend, at least according to Mom. It's the photos we never take, caught up in the moment itself, but perhaps the photos that tell us the most about that time.

That is some deep stuff I'm slingin' there, ya think?

Sometimes, it's all about the hair

2010-02-05T17:12:00.005-05:00

"This is what happens when your mother decides to get the sepia shots and dresses you funny. What parent would do that to a little girl's hair. Puff ball and two pig tails." (via)

Even baby brother looks stunned at what is holding him. There he is, rockin' his natty bow tie and snappy vest--with a heck of a collar on that shirt--and there behind him, big sister, looking like a mess.

With the sepia, it also looks as if her hair is really a giant tangle, not so much a puffball. I really wish we could see it all head-on, really get the full effect of those side ponytails and how much width and height it all adds to the overall dimensions of her head.

I do have to say, however, that is some cute ribbon on her dress/shirt/smock. Okay, not a winner if you can't identify it, but potentially cute.

Had a bad hair photo? Send it to me: myparentsmademewearthis @ gmail.com

In Your Easter Bonnet

2010-02-04T13:53:00.005-05:00

Today, I'm thinking Spring. It's so darn cold here, and without snow which would at least make the cold feel like fun. Thus, an Easter memory.

"Oh how I hated those hats, shoes and dresses. I felt like such a dork. But my mom was so proud of her little girls all dressed up for Easter..." (via)

My biggest objection in this outfit is to the ridiculous hat, which I believe matches that of her mother. They are perched there, rather than really being worn. And I assume that bobby pins were required to keep them in place?

Other than the hat, however, I can't find fault with much of this outfit.

My analysis of why is because I think the clothes from this period were just so much cuter than the absurd 70s garb I was saddled with. Now, I don't aspire to the matching gloves and the frilly, frilly kind of girly clothes so many kids had to wear. But come on, compared with a polyester leisure suit or Mary Tyler Moore blouse with a bow, isn't this better?

Dorks R' Us

2010-02-03T19:46:00.004-05:00

This photo comes from a child whose parents were certainly well-meaning, and yet, at least one of their grown children despises these outfits.

"My parents hated us. The truth is finally out. What can I say? Now first of all, this wouldn't be my dad's idea to dress us like this...it would be my mom's. I'm sure she was thinking 'won't the kids look like dorks if we dress them like this, and make them wear these funny hats? Let's do it!' Dad wouldn't have thought of doing this to us. Oh, don't get me wrong...I'm sure as soon as he saw how stupid we looked he said 'I've got to get my camera and take a photo of these dorks!' He would be laughing the whole time." (via)

I have to say, I think they look pretty darn cute, and I would be that dad, taking as many photos as possible for posterity.

Come on--that little girl with the blue coat and dress? Of course, perhaps not the best choice for a cold winter's day. And the boys with bonnets?

Ahh,, when do we become bitter adults? So sad. So sad.